This Is How We Tortured Our Parents!!

FOR ALL THE MEN IN OUR LIVES WHO ASK, "WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG IN THE RESTROOM”;)

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.  Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.  Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.  You get in to find the door won'tlatch.It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern "seat covers"(invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty.  You would hang your purse on the door hook,if there was one,but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on theFLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume " The Stance."  In this position your aging,toneless(God I should have gone to the gym!!!)thigh muscles begin to shake.  You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance".  To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser.In your mind, you can hear your mother'svoice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWNthere was no toilet paper!"Your thighs shake more.  You remember thetiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday -the one that's still in your purse.(Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time).That will have to do.You crumple it in thepuffiestway possible. It's stillsmallerthan yourthumbnail.  Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work.  The door hits your purse,which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.  "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.  It is wet of course.  You bolt up, knowing all too well thatit's too late. Yourbare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seatbecauseYOUnever laid down toilet paper -not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.  You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly,dear,"You just don't KNOWwhat kind of diseases you could get".  By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propellinga stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes.  The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too  At this point, you give up.. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.  You're e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d.  You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket! and thenslink out inconspicuously to the sinks.  You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, .....so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.  You are no longer able to smile politely to them.  A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe.(Where was that when you NEEDED  it??)You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this".  As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom.  Annoyed, he asks,"What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?" ...........  This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!).It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs.It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse, and hand you Kleenex under the door!  Send this to all women that understand what bonding in the bathroom is all about!  A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...  Hard to Find... Supportive.... Comfortable ...  Always Lifts You Up...  Never Lets You Down, or Leaves You Hanging,  And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!

The Incentive Distribution System In A Company!

bravo!!....lolz

Santa(in a coffee shop to Banta):Drink the coffee fast

Banta:Why?It is too hot.

Santa:I am paying. Drink it hot.

Banta:Why?

Santa:Didn't you see the menu? Hot coffee Rs.30 Cold coffee Rs.45

Don't follow others blindly!!

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

A very insulting parrot!!

This elderly lady, recently widowed, decides to see if a pet will ease her loneliness and goes to the pet store. She decides against puppies, kitties, etc., and is about to leave the store when she hears a voice saying, "My, do you look lovely this afternoon, madam."

She turns around quickly to see who has spoken, but there is no one. All she sees is a big green parrot, resting on his perch in his cage. "Did you say that?" she asks.

"Why, yes, I did!" he replies. "And may I add that dress is a very nice color for you."

The lady suddenly realizes how nice it would be to not only have a talking parrot, but one that paid such nice compliments. So she pays for him and takes him home. On the way, she says, "You know, I am so proud of you that I believe I'll take you out for dinner! Would you like that?"

The parrot says, "Why yes, that would be delightful. I know a charming place on 7th Street."

So they arrive home and the lady progresses upstairs to her room to change for dinner, bringing the parrot along, of course. When the woman enters the building, the parrot begins complaining, swearing, and even bit her once.

Well, the woman is flabbergasted! She grabs the parrot by the throat, marches down the stairs into the basement, and stuffs the parrot in the freezer. She leaves him there in the freezer for five long minutes before taking him back out. The parrot is very cold.

She says, "Well? Have you learned your lesson? I will not tolerate such language in my house!"

The parrot says, "Okay, okay, I promise it won't happen again. I am deeply sorry."

Within five minutes, he is cursing again and bit her once on the arm and once on the finger.

The lady is absolutely stunned. She rips the parrot out of his cage, goes down the stairs, into the cellar, and, slam, into the freezer. This time, she leaves him in there for fifteen minutes.

When she finally takes him out, the parrot is one step away from death. He is shivering and has light frost on the beak. "I swear it will never ever happen again! I will never insult you again! I promise!" As he thaws, he looks up at the lady and says, "I do have one question though. That turkey in there, what'd he do, attack you?"